ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM (2015)

Many reading this review might think I was on acid when I wrote it; those used to Asian manga, anime and cinema will understand.  In Assassination Classroom Japan has been invaded by an alien creature resembling a yellow octopus with a smiley face, who has already destroyed most of the moon and threatens the same with earth ... but agrees to take over a class of losers and misfits at the Kunugigaoka Junior High School - the "E-Class" - and teach them not only their lessons but also assassination skills, promising the only way the earth can be saved is if any of the kids can kill him by graduation in March.  The government steps in to help the students, but with each attempt the alien proves harder to destroy, always one step ahead and ALWAYS smiling.  Based on a Japanese manga, this film is nuts but also great fun, with a very likable cast and killer special effects; odd, funny, even hitting a couple of the emotional notes it goes for in the end - and with the way it ends, there'd best be a sequel! (not rated)  B

ANACONDAS: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID (2004)

Fear of snakes aside, had heard about this film for years plus it stars a few actors I really like and any "monster" movie so bad it can't take itself seriously is often a fun watch.  The problem with this film is, it takes itself way too seriously.  That, combined with some bad acting and special effects nearly as lame as what you find on SyFy Channel make for a disappointing film.  Each character is also a stereotype in this story of a team searching through the Indonesian jungle to find the elusive blood orchid, which contains properties that may or may not help create a fountain of youth-like drug to prolong life; the corporate lackey out of her element, the hot babe assistant, the borderline fanatic science dude determined to persevere, the grumpy but hunky boat captain who develops a conscience, the sharp-tongued tech guy - all and more battling some big-ass, fake-looking snakes when their boat gets destroyed.  And yet the first half of the film, at least, even comes off boring somehow; the rest is just kind of silly.  Gotta love Kong the monkey, though. (rated PG-13)  C-

THE INTERN (2015)

On the surface there's nothing new about The Intern; Anne Hathaway plays a beleaguered young woman, Jules, whose new internet start-up is growing almost too big for her, when her busy life's made busier as she's forced to take on an intern, Ben (Robert De Niro), as part of a program to help senior citizens.  A typical workplace comedy, with a slight twist.  But De Niro is such a marvel - being the oldest out of 220 twenty-something employees, Ben sort of becomes the "uncle" of the office, so affable and sweet and always wanting to help, you can't not fall in love with him ... and, by extension, the film.  Hathaway, in the "straight" guy role, is perfect as well - the film so wonderfully written and funny, with genuine warmth and humor and not a false note in the cast, I couldn't help but enjoy myself immensely watching it (even if I did have to keep reminding myself this was the same dude from Taxi Driver and Raging Bull).  De Niro's never been better, the entire film a sweet surprise. (rated PG-13)  A-

IF THERE BE THORNS (2015)

Wow, didn't realize Lifetime was cranking these out this fast.  The third in the weird, creepy, yet endlessly fascinating saga of the Dollanganger children, If There Be Thorns is where the book series starts to unravel a bit.  Flowers in the Attic was fascinating reading, even if you felt a bit like a perv enjoying it; Petals on the Wind, well, we all wanted to find out what happened to the kids afterward.  After that, the series became lurid and lackluster at the same time; here the story of Chris and Cathy Dollanganger (now Sheffield), living their lives as a married couple even though they're biologically brother and sister (yes, you read that right) and raising their two sons (by Cathy, via two different men, neither of them Chris; things don't go quite that nuts) in an idyllic life ... until a mysterious woman moves in next door who will prove to bring all past sins home.  Meh acting and writing, plus a melodramatic religious zealot storyline, don't help - and yet, as the film goes on, Mason Cook in particular (playing youngest son Bart) helps to make it all sickly fascinating, somehow.  (rated TV-14)  C-

STEVE JOBS (2015)

Not everyone will like Steve Jobs.  A complicated and controversial man, if you're looking for a complete, documentary-style portrait of his life or thought processes, this isn't it.  That said, Steve Jobs is one of my favorite films of the year.  Michael Fassbender and Kate Winslet are both Oscar-worthy as Jobs and his long-suffering assistant Joanna Hoffman (although, in a terrific surprise, Seth Rogen also shines as Steve Wozniak), and while some may find the film "talky" and with little action, I was glued to the screen from start to finish.  Starting with Jobs' introduction of the Macintosh computer in 1984, the film chronicles his rise and fall until the introduction of the iMac in 1998; a time in which Jobs changed the world and became both savior and villain of Apple.  It's an intense, amazing character study, Fassbender getting completely lost in Jobs' persona (truly, you forget he's Michael Fassbender) and heading a brilliant cast, in a film that gives you a glimpse into the genius - and deep flaws - of a man who would change the world. (rated R)  A

LOVE ACTUALLY (2003)

For the four weeks leading up to Christmas, Love Actually tells the loosely-related stories of eight different couples, whether it be finding or losing or regaining love.  Beautifully written, funny and poignant in all the right places, and often bordering on over-sentimentality (what else would you expect, from a Christmas-themed film?) but never falling over that edge, the film benefits as well from a stupendous cast; Colin Firth, Emma Thompson, Bill Nighy, Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman, Andrew Lincoln, Keira Knightley, Laura Linney, Rodrigo Santoro, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Liam Neeson, Martin Freeman, and Kris Marshall are only the tip of this iceberg of talent.  What sets this film apart, though, is the way it tracks so many characters, yet manages to make you feel for all of them; as if you know them, or would love to, by the end of the film.  Funny, sweet, enchanting, and everything a Christmas (or any good film) should be.  Just can't believe it took me this long to see it. (rated R)  A

ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL (2015)

Even with a title that doesn't scream "happy ending," I was drawn in by all the praise heaped on this film ... and the fact it co-stars Olivia Cooke, one of the best young actors working today.  Greg (a terrific Thomas Mann) is a high school senior who's managed to coast through life without making a single enemy - or a single friend, with the exception of his "co-worker" (Greg hates the term "friend") Earl (RJ Cyler, also terrific).  That is, until Greg's mom forces him to hang out for a day with Rachel (Cooke), the daughter of a friend (and classmate of Greg's) who's just been diagnosed with leukemia.  From here the film goes in both expected and surprising directions, but what's wonderful is it all feels authentic - so genuine to the story, the characters, and the flawed real world we live in.  Laughter and tears both in store, but one thing I didn't expect was for the film to be this touching - this real (thanks in large part to the three leads) - and this affecting, making me reflect on my own life and world.  Lovely stuff. (rated PG-13)  A

THE PEANUTS MOVIE (2015)

No doubt, Blue Sky was the studio to make this; the film is pitch-perfect in appearance, lovingly made and full of nostalgia, like the comics and cartoon specials made over in a three dimension.  They even got the voices right, as well as nearly every sight gag and recognizable line any Peanuts fan could think of; in fact, the first ten minutes of the movie are virtually crammed with them, as if the filmmakers are trying to reassure us: "Hey, we got this; we're not going to let you fans down."  The plot, such as it is, involves Charlie Brown's attempts to impress the little red-haired girl who's new to town (and whom he's crushing on, bad), intertwined a bit with Snoopy's World War I Flying Ace and his ongoing battle with the Red Baron, this time to save the beautiful Fifi.  A wonderful, beautiful walk down memory lane ... that, somehow, doesn't warm the heart as much as you'd expect, even coming off a bit cold/sterile - as if they got the mechanics right, but came up a wee bit short on the emotions. (rated G)  B+

PAN (2015)

Wow, so much hate for this film!  I get it - it was ballsy, maybe stupid, of the filmmakers to make up a back-story for the boy-who-never-grew-up for this prequel.  But to make Peter and Hook start off friends, AND bring in Blackbeard the pirate as the bad guy, THEN cast paler-than-white Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily?  I get it.  But other than a fairy land that resembles a cheap backdrop from a 1970's "Doctor Who" episode for the finale, and a "wtf" all-over-the-place performance by Garrett Hedlund as Hook, the film is actually fun - mostly due to newcomer Levi Miller, who's brilliant as Peter.  The story's paper-thin: Peter's a headstrong boy living in an orphanage, sure his mother will someday come for him when he (along with a bunch of others) is kidnapped by pirates and taken, by ship, to the island of Neverland, where boys are forced to mine for pixie dust for Blackbeard the pirate (Hugh Jackman), who has his own agenda.  Adventure, swordfights, and much CGI follows - but no, it doesn't suck. (rated PG)  C+

DRAMATIC SCHOOL (1938)

Was itching to see a classic and had Paulette Goddard on the brain, so came across this full film by accident on YouTube - and loved it.  Luise Rainer stars as Louise Mauban, a drama student at a prestigious acting school in Paris who works at night in a factory because she's very poor.  She daydreams through life, plays running through her head that she concocts in the hopes her life will follow suit and make her a successful actress - but when she fabricates a relationship with a wealthy playboy to avoid letting her fellow students know what she does at night, one of those students, Nana (Paulette Goddard), meets the man by chance and finds out it's all a lie ... so she sets a trap to catch Louise in her lie, in front of the entire class, though things don't go quite as planned.  Co-starring Lana Turner, Virginia Grey, Ann Rutherford, Gale Sondergaard and more, the stellar cast pulls off one very enjoyable romantic drama that, even with bits of melodrama, makes for an intriguing watch (note: the file below is the ENTIRE FILM, not just the trailer). (not rated)  B

TED 2 (2015)

Foul-mouthed and lowbrow and crude as it was, I really liked Ted.  Saw the unrated version - as I did with this sequel - and setting aside my brain for awhile thought it was funny as heck; even sweet, in the end.  Ted 2, not so much.  It started off promising - teddy bear-come-to-life Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is marrying his human girlfriend Tami-Lynn (a wonderful Jessica Barth), and indeed the opening wedding scenes and Busby Berkeley-style opening credits let us know once again to be prepared for anything.  But things go downhill when Ted and Tami-Lynn try to adopt a kid, and get the attention of the U.S. government, which refuses to acknowledge Ted as a person.  The rest of the film is Ted and his Thunder Buddy John (Mark Wahlberg) hiring a young female attorney, Samantha (Amanda Seyfried), pro bono to fight Ted's cause in the courts, which want to declare him a possession.  There's a very cool finale at NYC's ComicCon, but in-between the film is flat, dull and not very funny.  Foul-mouthed and lowbrow and crude as it is. (unrated)  C

SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE (2015)

Ben (Tye Sheridan, fast becoming one of my favorite actors), Carter (Logan Miller), and Augie (Joey Morgan) are best friends in high school who've been both friends and scouts since meeting as little boys.  Ben and Carter are ready to leave the scouts behind them - feel they're too old to be putting up with the teasing, and lack of play from girls that being a scout doesn't get them - but Augie lives for the scouts so they attend one final campout in his honor, trying to figure out how to tell him they're bailing.  Unfortunately, the guys are interrupted by a viral outbreak, via a local chemical company, that heralds the zombie apocalypse - and it will take all their training and skills as scouts to save the world ... as well as a secret party the seniors are throwing that sets them up as a zombie buffet.  This - film - is - HILARIOUS, the best zombie comedy I've seen since Dance of the Dead, with great zombies, terrific characters, a lot of heart, and even more laughs.  Absolutely wonderful. (rated R)  A+

SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE trailer (Red Band: contains adult language/nudity/violence)

CRIMSON PEAK (2015)

Edith Cushing saw her first ghost as a girl, when the spirit of her deceased mother warned her to stay away from a place called "Crimson Peak".  As an adult, Edith (Mia Wasikowska) - an aspiring horror writer - finds her life again shattered when her father dies, seeking solace in the arms of her suitor, the baronet Thomas Sharpe (Tom Hiddleston), whom she marries.  Whisking her away to his remote manor in the English countryside, where Thomas lives with his sister Lucille (Jessica Chastain), Edith finds herself stuck in a creppy mansion literally falling down around her, with a brother and sister whose hearts are as dark as the ghosts she starts again to see.  Don't go into this Guillermo del Toro-directed feast-for-the-eyes thinking horror; instead del Toro has crafted pure gothic romance, with touches of the supernatural, violence and gore.  Chastain is brilliantly evil, Hiddleston the man in the middle as Wasikowska's Edith finds herself increasingly snowbound in a world of ghosts and madness. (rated R)  B

CRIMSON PEAK trailer

CHRISTMAS EVE (2015)

An accident in Manhattan, resulting in a delivery van hitting a transformer and knocking out the power in all the neighboring buildings, strands five different groups of strangers and one Scrooge-like businessman (Patrick Stewart) in six different elevators on Christmas Eve.  From a group of classical musicians, to a photographer and a beautiful girl, to a pair of doctors and their interns and a patient straight out of recovery, to a germaphobe stuck with a pair of ditzy girls and a brainiac and a muscle-bound jock, to a guy just fired from his job forced to share an elevator with the guy who fired him, the film interchanges between the groups as time passes and tensions (and fears) mount ... in, to me, what felt like possibly the least-Christmassy Christmas movie I've ever seen.  The cast tries hard, and several moments are sweet, but overall the film - billed as a drama-comedy - isn't very funny, and there are too many characters for the film to develop any of them enough for you to care.  Predictable and formulaic.  Even Patrick Stewart is annoying. (rated PG)  C-

CLOUDS OF SILS MARIA (2014)

I sought this film out because of all the accolades Kristen Stewart has received from it.  Finding her little more than a block of wood in anything I've seen her in, imagine my shock to find she's the most riveting thing about this film; you simply can't turn away from the screen when she's on it.  Binoche stars as internationally-renowned stage actress Maria Enders, who arrives in a remote village in the Alps with her personal assistant Valentine (Stewart) to rehearse for the revival of a play she did over twenty years before - back then playing the young ingenue, now in the role of the older woman.  The play brings out dormant emotions in Maria, the characters' relationship even overlapping into her relationship with Valentine, in a wordy film that features some beautifully-written dialogue ... but also an open ending where, I believe, the viewer's supposed to determine what happened.  If that's not your thing you may not like this, but for Stewart's work alone (though all the cast is great) it's for-sure worth seeing. (rated R)  B-

GOOSEBUMPS (2015)

Based on R.L. Stine's hit series of creepy children's books, Goosebumps is an effects-laden but hugely enjoyable adventure-comedy about teenager Zach (Dylan Minnette), just moved to town with his mom, who meets a beautiful girl named Hannah (Odeya Rush) living next door with her whack-job of an overprotective father (Jack Black).  Turns out dad is bestselling author R.L. Stine himself, and Zach - along with new friend Champ (Ryan Lee) - finds this out around the same time they accidentally open a book that sets the Abominable Snowman free.  Turns out Stine's so good because all his monsters are real, once he writes about them - and when Slappy the evil ventriloquist dummy is freed, then decides to set his evil brethren free as well, all hell breaks loose and the gang must find a way to put all the demons back in the books.  Black, even playing Stine as a dramatic diva, still manages his signature mugging for the camera, but the effects, action, humor and monsters themselves are pretty awesome. (rated PG)  B+

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 (2015)

Always nice, when a sequel matches or betters its predecessor - and HT2 is a whole lot of fun.  Set a number of years down the road from the first one, this film finds Vampa ("Grandpa" mashed up with "Vampire") Dracula having made a number of changes to his popular Transylvanian hotel - not the least of which is opening its doors to human clientele - thanks to his toddler grandchild Dennis, who is half-human and half-vampire.  Problems begin when Drac's daughter Mavis, Dennis's mom, wonders if maybe living in a hotel full of monsters might be too much for her very human son (almost five, legend has it that if Dennis doesn't sprout fangs by his birthday, he'll be human forever), and, under the influence of her in-laws, talks of moving to California ... making Dracula sneak behind her back, with the help of his monster friends, to make sure Dennis becomes the vampire child Drac is sure he's meant to be, before the kid turns five.  The film is really funny, with a terrific story and great animation; loved it! (rated PG)  A-